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Tue, Jul 25, 2017 07:38 PM
Wednesday, March 8, 2017 issue
2003-04-30 communities
This n' That
Aging is fun
Tony Fyffe
Are you one of those people who hates growing old? At one time I fit that description, but after I turned 40 a few months ago I realized that it's not only part of life, it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Not yet, anyway.

A couple of days ago, a friend of mine forwarded me an e-mail titled "Aging Is Fun," and I thought I'd pass it on to you if you're depressed about not being as young as you used to be. Hopefully, it will show you that it's actually fun getting older. This first part is called "The Perks of Being Over 40."

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.

4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.

9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.

10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

15. You sing along with elevator music.

16. Your eyes won't get much worse.

17. Your health plan is beginning to pay off.

18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.

19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

21. You can't remember who sent you this list.

Now, if that hasn't cheered you up, here are some games to play when you are older:

1. Sag, you're it.

2. Pin the toupee on the bald guy.

3. Twenty questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket.

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says bend over.

6. Doc Goose.

7. Simon says something incoherent.

8. Hide and go pee.

9. Spin the bottle of Mylanta.

10. Musical recliners.

If you're still depressed about getting old, here's one piece of advice get over it. As they say, it's better than the alternative.

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