|Mon, Dec 18, 2017 04:24 PM
|Wednesday, March 8, 2017 issue
|2003-08-01 communities |
Food for thought
|For the past six weeks I have been on a diet trying to lose weight, not only so that I might look better, but to also reduce my cholesterol level. (Which I might add I was quite successful in doing – I dropped 70 points in a month and a half). However, the diet is a controversial one; you've probably heard of it, it's called the Atkins New Revolution Diet. The reason I say controversial is because you eat lots of fat and protein and somehow you still manage to drop a few pounds. Of course, no starch or sugar is allowed at all. That means giving up everything from potatoes and bread to cookies and ice cream.|
Having just gone through this ordeal (er, excuse me – diet exercise), I found the following e-mail which Ronnie's mother, Iris, shared with me especially entertaining. I hope you get a kick out of it, too. (I'd like to dedicate this piece to all those folks who are suing the fast food restaurants for making them gain too much weight.)
* * *
In the beginning, God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme.
And Satan said, "Do you want chocolate with that?"
And Man said, "Yes!"
And Woman said, "I'll have another with sprinkles."
And, lo, they gained ten pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to size 6.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."
And Satan presented thousand island dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep-fried shrimp and catfish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and piled on the pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them and added copious quantities of salad, and Man put on more pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories so that he might still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Lucifer said, "Do you want fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Yes, and supersize them."
And Satan said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
So God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created HMOs.