Mon, Dec 18, 2017 06:52 AM
Wednesday, March 8, 2017 issue
2003-08-06 communities
Mischief and Mayhem
Guest column
by Mylinda Johnson | Contributing columnist

Marriage, "tying the knot," is it a blissful knot—or a KNOT on the head? Why do we do it? Is there some law telling us that we must get married in order to be happy? In a world where so many marriages end in divorce, it goes without question that we would, could and should, tread lightly into the sacramental realms of MARRIAGE!

Trust me. I speak from experience!

As most of you know, I recently entered this realm — dare I say again? Yes, like so many others, I have "been there and done that" before. From my experience — and the long hours of pondering thereafter — I have to say that I have learned a lot! Truly, experience is an excellent teacher. However, if I could, I would choose to learn from the experience of others rather than my own — hence, my sharing this with you.

You may be asking yourself what I have learned from all this. I will tell you just that. I have learned that marriage is truly a two-way street in which communication plays the biggest part. Just as in all aspects of life, sometimes misunderstandings arise due to lack of communication, or should I say due to poor attempts at communication. We do not always relay the exact message intended.

I have also learned, sadly, that love, regardless of how deep and true, is simply not enough. You have to actually LIKE your spouse as well as love them. The idea is not ridiculous. You may think, how on earth could you love someone that you do not like? Bottom line, people change. Not to mention that it takes a long time to really know someone. We tend to see people, as they say, through "rose colored glasses" — we see them as what we want them to be, as a projected image of our desires.

Another aspect of consistent harmony is the fact that within married couples, as well as families, friends or any type good relationship, is the basic underlying concept of agreeing to disagree. Regardless of how much you love someone or how well you get along, at some point in time you are destined to reach a point on which you do not see eye to eye. You may argue the point into the ground. In the end, you will see that you must accept the other person for who they are and, in response, allow them to have their own opinion (although you KNOW they are WRONG).

Let us not forget two of the staples of a good relationship: TRUST and RESPECT. Both parties have to trust and respect one another. Trust is difficult when you have been hurt before. However, we have to be able to believe that our comrades and spouses truly always have our best interests at heart. These two areas require work and dedication to build. We must earn our partner's trust and respect, and doing this, like all other aspects of life, takes time.

My advice to anyone who is thinking about getting married: Above all else, make sure you like the person you are marrying. Do not think that you can change someone, or that you can accept him or her although they are not really what you want. We cannot change people — only they can change themselves. If you feel the need to change them, they are obviously not the one for you. Run, run fast!

Back to my marriage specifically, I truly believe we have found the key. Sure, we have our disagreements, but when we do, we just talk it through or we agree to disagree.

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