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Mon, Oct 23, 2017 02:50 AM
Wednesday, March 8, 2017 issue

This n' That


Choking on ice and other fun things


01/16/2008 - For the last month or so, I've been trying to get rid of a stye without having to break over and go to the eye doctor. So far, my home remedy — Neosporin — seems to be working, but it is definitely taking its time to erase the bump from below my eye.

I'm not the type of person who runs to the doctor everytime I get a cold or have some other ailing. If I can't get antibiotics, I use over-the-counter medicine to battle my infliction, but normally time is really the only cure for colds and the like.

Many people rely on home remedies to cure their illnesses, and I recently received an e-mail with a list of home remedies for a number of "ailments." Please cut this out so you will have these remedies handy. They might just save your life:

• When choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

• Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.

• Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat ... use the sink.

• To treat high blood pressure: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

• A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

• If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

• You only need two tools in life — WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

• When confused remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

* * *

It's awards season again, but this year's batch of trophy shows might be canned or severely altered due to the writer's strike.

The annual Golden Globes Awards ceremony was canceled due to the strike, but the hardware was handed anyway in a press conference-type event Sunday night.

I don't know about you, but I kind of like the idea of abbreviated awards shows, since most of the televised ceremonies usually last for hours and provide very little entertainment. I watch awards programs to see who wins, not to be bored to death by the stuff in between the presentations.

The granddaddy of all awards shows — the Oscars — will be effected if the writer's strike continues through February. The producer of the Academy Awards says the show will go on regardless of the strike, but he hasn't said how that will happen.

Hopefully, this year's Oscar show, which normally lasts three-plus hours, will get on and off in about an hour.

For that reason, I'll support the striking writers as long as it takes.

* * *

Although I haven't seen it yet, the movie I'm rooting for at this year's Academy Awards is Sweeney Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet of Street.

The film, directed by Tim Burton and starring Johnny Depp, is an adaptation of the Broadway musical by the legendary Stephen Sondheim. The movie has received terrific reviews and is a favorite to receive many Oscar nominations and actual awards.

The reason Sweeney Todd is my Oscar favorite this year is because I saw the original Broadway production, starring Angela Lansbury and Len Cariou, in the summer of 1979. It was one of six shows I saw that year and my personal favorite. I bought the original cast album and played it constantly, driving my middle brother crazy in the process. He claimed I was listening to "opry," which is pretty accurate considering that the score is operatic.

When I finally see it (I'm waiting for the DVD so I can enjoy it in my living room), Sweeney Todd will be the fourth film based on a Broadway show that I saw when I was a kid. The other three were A Chorus Line, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas and Deathtrap. The first two were major disappointments on the screen, while Deathtrap was the most faithful to its source material.

It took nearly 30 years to bring Sweeney Todd to the screen, and it looks like the wait will be worth it for me. When I watch it, I'm sure I'll have memories of the original show, and that's okay with me.

It's always good whenever someone can relive their childhood.

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