Mon, Apr 23, 2018 02:17 PM
Wednesday, March 8, 2017 issue

Smile Awhile

Of mice and men

02/08/2008 - For many years, medical researchers have been attempting to find cures for diseases such as diabetes, cancer, Parkinson's, ALS, AIDS, Alzheimers, MS, MD, and others. Although they have had much success discovering the reasons behind why and how these maladies occur, they are still at a loss at how to eradicate them completely.

As an avid animal lover, I know that in their quest for treatment of these diseases, scientists use these helpless creatures as acceptable sacrifices. I don't go along with this type of torture, but as long as they limit their research to rodents and reptiles, I can turn my head if advancements are made for the sake of mankind. That's why I thought it interesting when a friend of mine who works in a research laboratory told me about the trials they had been doing on lab rats. She overheard the following conversation:

"I don't know what they've given me, but I feel lousy," the first rat said.

"What's bothering you?"

"My head is killing me and my throat hurts," the first rat replied. "I feel as though I'm in a maze."

"You are in a maze," the second rat squeaked as they rounded a corner and ran into a dead end.

"Oh, yeah, you're right," he replied.

"Maybe you've got the flu," the second rat squeaked.

"No," the first rat coughed. "They gave me a shot for that weeks ago."

"Hmm," the second rat mused. "Do you have any other symptoms?"

"Well, my head is stopped up and my nose keeps running."

The second rat then asked, "Did you ever get injected with LSD?"

"Whoa! Did I!" the first rat exclaimed.

"Does it feel anything like that?"

"I wish!" the first rat retorted. "I feel worse than the time I had to smoke four packs of cigarettes a day for that nicotine research."

"The worst I ever felt," the second one said, "was the time I had to drink all those cans of cola with saccharin in it. The best I ever felt was when they conducted that experiment for Viagra."

"They never let me get in on those tests," the first rat lamented.

"How long have you had these symptoms?"

"It started yesterday morning and it's gotten progressively worse," he said.

"Well, I did overhear them talking about trying to find the cure for the common cold again so it could be that," the second rat remarked. "I remember the time they shot me up with that cold serum and I felt bad for over a week. But my family has a cure for it."

"Wow!" the first rat shouted. "You could make a fortune! How does it work?"

"Well," the second rat shrugged. "First you have your mother fix you some homemade chicken soup."

"Yeah, yeah, go on," the first rat said, excitedly.

"Then you take some aspirin . . . "

"Go on," the first rat goaded.

"And you get plenty of rest and drink lots of liquids . . ."

"Yes?" the first rat said.

"And in about a week to 10 days that cold is gone."

So much for medical science.

Appalachian Regaional
Site Search